Okay. I’m just going to say this once. It’s just a hockey game. Right? It is not a metaphor for our relationship with the United States or their relationship with us. The fights during the first game were a bit ridiculous but let’s be realistic, the Tkachuk’s are all a bit ridiculous, so it is no surprise to see them in the thick of it.
I am writing this blog on Thursday at 5 PM MST, exactly one hour before the puck drops in Boston and we can hopefully put all this sports as a sign of sovereign superiority to bed. This is meant to share my pre-agitation thoughts and try and give some perspective on THE MOST IMPORTANT SPORTING EVENT IN THE HISTORY OF NORTH AMERICA AND DEMOCRACY.
Or I’m lazy and pre-writing the blog because I have a lunch date tomorrow. Either works.
Look, I know what is going to happen. The anthems will play. The game is in Boston. The US anthem will be sung with pride and gusto. The Canadian National Anthem (it’s still O Canada by the way) will be lustily boo’d by the fans. Not because they hate Canada. Because it’s Boston. And hockey. Honestly, have you ever been to hockey game at the “Gahden”? I have. It’s not for the faint of heart.
They will also be booing O Canada because the Montreal fans boo’d The Star Spangled Banner last weekend. Which of course is the moment that set off this whole exercise in Jingoistic self-absorption, especially since the US won the game.
This is our Grand Duke Ferdinand moment which is likely to set off World War 3 and the annihilation of Canada’s sovereignty at the hands of the evil expansionist Trumpian Empire as he sends his troops across the border at strategic border crossings all along the longest undefended border in the world.
Some will get lost in the wilderness, some will freeze. Some will stop at the casinos in Niagara Falls and lose all their money. Still others will cross at Calais (Maine) and think they are in France. In Quebec, they will cross at Beebe Plain and be a mere 10 km from the woods around Lake Memphremagog where I ran around as a young lad pushing dead trees over. Those who cross near Cornwall may take one look and cross back over the “Peace Bridge” and go home. From Detroit they will get stuck in traffic on the Ambassador Bridge and give up.
In Alberta they will storm the Coutts border crossing, find out it’s an hour to Lethbridge and three gruelling hours to Calgary and get discouraged. In BC they will cross at Blaine and get drenched by the rain and turn back.
I can see it all now. Carnage. Devastation. The end of Canada as we know it.
All because we just couldn’t keep our damned mouths shut during an anthem and we brought the full force and wrath of the United States down on our heads.
Or, the Americans are all excited because of the boo-birds. Most have never even heard of hockey, let alone seen a game played. Plus they liked the fights because it looked like the Americans won them (they didn’t, arguably they lost 2 of the 3) and the final score favoured them in a fast-paced game that had decent entertainment level for a round robin match-up in a mid-season exhibition tournament cooked up by the NHL marketing department because the All Star Game had become a colossal joke.
The celebration of American superiority has been entertaining to watch but the Canadian reaction has been equally laughable with some of the comments almost going so far as to tie up our nation identity in this one game. Our entire national pride is on the line and on the shoulders of iconic players like Connor McDavid, Sidney (Captain Canada) Crosby, Nathan MacKinnon and Brad Marchand. I know these are supposed to be the best, but where is Connor Bedard? Where is Nick Suzuki? Mark Scheifele? Is this the bestest best team we could assemble? Size, speed, you know? Look, I’m not going to question the choices but are we even sure the Americans have all their best players? Like Auston Matthews is the captain. What’s up with that?
And seriously, do we really need to apply all that pressure to these players and ourselves? Does everyone remember how stirring it was to watch the Edmonton Oilers rally from three games down to force a Stanley Cup final Game 7 only to run out of gas under the weight of Canadian expectations, injury and exhaustion and how shitty that felt for a country that hasn’t won a Stanley Cup since 1993, even though our best players raise the cup annually in the service of American franchises.
Do we need to tie so much up into one measly game?
I mean I guess so. I’m writing about it so I guess I am as guilty as the next guy. But is it really a good use of our time? Does the social media quagmire and false bravado afforded by online anonymity really have to be that front and centre? Doesz all the cirping on both sides do anything to solve the current antipathy each country seems to be developing vis a vis the other?
Does it need to reach up into the White House and be worthy of yet another derogatory tweet from Donald Trump (that’s a rhetorical question) and, shudder, an inspirational phone call to the American team from him?
Do we need to amplify the importance of this game that in all actuality is the absolute perfect metaphor for our collective identity crisis and inferiority complex?
We are so desperate to get revenge on Donald Trump for tariffs (still a stupid idea) and his “annexation” threats that we have invested far too much of our national id into this one stupid exhibition game.
It doesn’t matter. There are more important things to worry about. Like our own political crisis. Like Ukraine. Like Russia.
Rather than engaging in this debilitating projection of national pride into the shaky goaltending of some kid named Binnington (who as it turned out, saved our ass), we should actually be celebrating that OUR NATIONAL GAME has made it so far into the national conversation on both sides of the border that it is going to see a surge in popularity, no matter the outcome.
Yay for Canada! Yay for hockey! Yay for the NHL. Gary Bettman is doing victory laps. And the resulting build-up for the Olympics next year and the World Cup the year after (two tournaments that actually matter) is going to be epic.
I suppose if we lose, we are done as a country, so I better be prepared for a pretty somber day tomorrow. Or, if we win, obviously there will be a parade. Right? We can for sure have a parade. Do I call Trudeau for that? Does he still take calls or his just a tweeter now?
Ahh, as I said to someone on Twitter today – it’s exhausting.
Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Now if you don’t mind, I have a game to go watch. What? Of course I’m watching it. I’m no dummy, it’s going to be a good game, no need to miss it. It’s going to be great fun. All the announcers are saying so.
Go Canada!
Three Hours Later…
Final Score: Canada wins 3-2 in overtime on a goal by Connor McDavid, arguably the best player in hockey of this era, although Nathan MacKinnon, tournament MVP, might have something to say about it.
Ha – take that American losers. We were always the superior nation. Long live Johnny Canuck.
Woot, woot eh?
Postscript.
That was a great hockey game.
Well done, Canada.
Both teams were awesome. The talent level was amazing. Can’t wait to see the Olympics next year and the World Cup the year after.
The self-righteous politics are dumb and the exploitation of the games for either side make most of us roll our eyes. And I do notice a conspicuous absence of chirping from random Facebook and Twitter accounts. It’s gone eerily quiet.
But… what a great game.
Canada’s 11th province acquitted itself admirably.
