Another week gone by as we count off the days until the most consequential election Canadian history. I am speaking obviously of the upcoming US election between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump since as we know, elections don’t happen here in Canada anymore, they just get talked about.
So were left with the grim task of trying to pick out a winner in the quadrennial American slugfest that this year couldn’t be a more stark study in contrasts between visions for the country and the electoral team trying to espouse those visions. I will save my prognostications and predictions on that particular race until the end of October, with that blog conveniently coming out the morning after Halloween when all of us will have massive sugar rush headaches and snacks to eat while reading.
In the meantime, the overflowing crucible of partisan hate that is Canadian politics continues its epic and never ending slugfest. Justin Trudeau is as popular as a boil and Pierre Poilievre continues to boil. But notwithstanding his monster 20% lead in the polls, Justin Trudeau refuses to allow Pierre Poilievre his moment in the sun, at least not until PP wrests the Sceptre of Manitoulin from his prime ministerial hands in a clash of champions.
In the meantime, we are reduced to months of agony and political theatre as leadership speculation and non-stop sniping distracts everyone from what their actual job is – rescuing the sinking ship that is the Canadian economy. Although to be honest, does anyone actually care about that anymore?
The reality is that the only way to have an election earlier than this time next year (lord help us all) is to see the minority Liberals defeated in a confidence vote, typically triggered in budget votes or similar “serious and wieighty” matters. Of course the Liberals had the Jagmeet “opportunity knocks” Singh NDP as their backup for just these occasions, using the power of the purse to bribe the NDP (sorry, appeal to their better progressive nature) into supporting them using shiny progressive baubles like Pharmacare, Dental Care and birth control for seniors.
And if the NDP isn’t there (they did after all with much bravado rip up their confidence and supply agreement just two weeks ago, regaining what little independence and credibility they thought they had left), then the Bloc Quebecois is there to extract what it can for Quebec (and to be clear, just Quebec) to prop up the most unpopular government in recent history.
Who cares what Canadians want, right?
In the meantime we have to wait for these confidence votes because of “rules” and tradition. So they only come up every once in a while.
And it is ironic that confidence motions are almost entirely under the control of the party that has most likely lost the confidence of the house, but that’s our parliamentary system. The party in charge is, in fact, in charge.
To be fair, the opposition can introduce motions on what is anecdotally called “oppo day”, but it isn’t a regular occurrence, it’s more like a harvest moon or a Melania Trump sighting – very rare. And you typically don’t waste your ammunition and minute in the spotlight with frivolous confidence votes that are doomed to fail when there are plenty of other lost causes your supporters want to see brought up that are also doomed to fail
We’re actually going to witness this some time next week, when the Conservatives are going to introduce a motion expressing non-confidence in the Trudeau government – a motion that we now know is going to be defeated because Jagmeet and Blanchet are petulant cowards and at least one of the parties (ahem NDP) is broke. But once that is defeated, it’s back into the tickle trunk until the next opportunity eventually comes around to introduce a bland, plain vanilla non-confidence motion equally doomed to failure.
But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if a political party sitting in opposition could introduce any private member’s bill they like at any time and make it a confidence vote?
I bet that would be interesting and could possibly even garner support across the aisle and topple the government. I mean you’d have to be pretty creative with it to get attention from the other parties, but there are enough special interests and pet causes in every party and parliamentarian that you could start to see votes tilt your way.
It is also worth pointing out that attrition and sheer exhaustion will eventually win the day. You can only listen Poilievre’s voice for so long before you will agree to anything, if only to make it stop.
For example, the Conservatives could introduce a motion to have the VW Beetle recognized as the official car of Canada and make it a confidence motion. It would get defeated easily – likely the conservatives would vote against it too, but you see where I am going with this.
Let’s try out some of these and see where it goes, each one a confidence motion. Note that we assume that in each bill, the Liberal Party will vote unanimously no, so it comes down to how each of the NDP and the Bloc Quebecois react. I don’t include the Green Party, because, well, you know.
Oppo Bill 1
A bill requiring the government to replace all chairs in federal office buildings with giant yoga balls. Stunning in its simplicity, this bill should serve as a catalyst to get the civil service back in the office full time, because who doesn’t like comfy seating five days out of five. The rsk of course is that the union loving NDP says no.
Oppo Bill 2
A bill requiring Justin Trudeau to provide the media full and unfettered access to his sock collection, including socks at his Ottawa, Harrington Lake and any third location that is as yet undisclosed. Look, Canadians deserve to know this. Are there 365 pairs? One for each day of the year? Are they organized by colour or theme or style? Critical questions. It is hard to day what the response here will be. The Bloc may resist simply on grounds of Quebec rights while the NDP may resist lest Jagmeet get asked to reveal his Rolex collection.
Oppo Bill 3
A bill requiring the government to give the same rights to every province in proportion to GDP that they give to Quebec. Just kidding. There is no way this would ever pass as the Bloc would never stand for it. Special treatment is special treatment and without special treatment, how can Quebec be special? That would make Quebec just part of Canada. And no one wants that. Especially the Bloc.
Oppo Bill 4
A bill proposing to rename the Carbon Tax. Among the options are the Justin Trudeau Surcharge, Greta’s Grab or Pierre. Pretty sure that this one is DOA, although the gauntlet thrown is intriguing, we keep the charge but it will embarrass you at every turn.
Oppo Bill 5
A bill to revoke equalization. Hey – it was worth a try!
Oppo Bill 6
A bill to name the energy industry as the most important industry in the country and the recognize its outsize contribution to confederation, exports, GDP and our exalted way of life. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Oppo Bill 7
A bill to change the name of Alberta to Danielleberta. Come on, it has a ring to it! At the same time we rename Edmonton Justinton. How cool would that be? It would be tempting for sure, and the Bloc would support it just to poke a finger in Trudeau’s eye, but nah. It will never work.
Oppo Bill 8
A bill to nominate Mark Carney to be President of Canada and to hand the management and administration of the entire civil service to Brookfield with the aim of packaging it up and privatizing it for sale to a private equity firm like Blackrock or Carlysle. I mean, come on, we are heading this path anyway, why not formalize it? Strangely, no one supports this. Likely because they don’t understand capital markets.
Oppo Bill 9
A bill to completely do away with supply management. All of it. Every last chicken, egg, stick of butter, wedge of cheese and plastic bag of milk. Ouch. I’m pretty sure that even most Conservatives would break ranks and vote no on this one. Political survival is important, even if it depends on satisfying less than 0.1% of the electorate and a similar proportion of national GDP.
Oppo Bill 10
A bill to require Pierre Poilievre to stop using rhymes and catchy slogans in his public pronouncements and campaign. Oh my god. Unanimous support! The government has fallen. Call the governor General! We can finally have an election! About what? Who knows, Pierre has been gagged.
There you have it.
450 words to point out the complete absurdity of what we, as Canadians, have to endure for the foreseeable future. We will have to listen to Axe the Tax, Stop the Crime, Bring home the paychecks, Carbon Tax Carney and whatever other catchy slogan the Conservatives have until our ears bleed because Justin Trudeau and the leadership of the NDP and the Bloc refuse to listen to what Canadians actually want.
An election. Sooner rather than later.
Change is good. Even if you can’t stomach it.
