So we all know that one of the crazier conspiracy theories around is that the World Economic Forum is some form of Trojan Horse organization whose sole purpose is to infiltrate world governments  and influence them into adopting a new world order under which we, the mere proletariat, will be enslaved and forced to bet vaccinated and reduce our carbon footprint until such point in time that we cease to exist.

 

And they do this of course by hosting a bunch of rich people at a posh mountain retreat in Davos, Switzerland in an orgy of carbon spewing private jet enabled excess. Because, well because how else would you do this if you had a chance? At any rate, things have gotten so bad reputationally for the WEF that none other than Serious Candidate for Prime Minister ^TM Pierre Poilievre has announced that no one in his yet to be elected (never mind electable) government will be allowed to participate in the WEF or WEF events. Take that rich Euro-trash!

 

No word yet on whether this particular ban includes Conservative Party heroic idol and last actually electable leader Stephen Harper or whether Mr. Poilievre intends to relinquish his membership card, but I think you get the gist.

 

The days of these elitist meetings are fast coming to an end. We are in control of our own destiny and no one can tell us what to do. Let freedumb reign!

 

To be fair, there was some bizarre chatter at the conference from the CEO of Alibaba about some ridiculous technology that will enable individuals to have their personal carbon footprint tracked on a daily basis, which sounds cool until you realize what an invasion of privacy it is. Never mind that the vaccine Microchip developed by Bill Gates in his post-divorce swinger pad garage already does that.

 

Anyway, this whole thing got me thinking. Why do the rich people get all the fun? Why can’t we, I mean mainly me, organize a conference along the lines of Davos and the World Economic Forum that includes an agenda, subject matter and speakers that appeal to the “everyman” – the little guy who doesn’t want his fate to be decided by shameless rich people and Hollywood wannabe climate fear mongers.

 

I admit, I do have some experience arranging conferences having done this twice for my local CFA Society on the subject of Energy, but it was a long time ago and I may be a bit rusty.

 

At any rate, I want you all to take the time to read the agenda below and I hope to see you at the conference.

 

Location

 

First off, we need to find an appropriate location. Clearly it will be in the Calgary area. We do have some lovely mountain areas that we could hold a banger conference in – Poilievre even suggested Canmore, but I doubt they would want us. So I’m going with my gut here. Most people will drive, although it is likely someone from out of town might consider coming. I guess this means I will need to have food too.

 

There is a Holiday Inn Express at the airport that also includes free breakfast, pretty easily accessible and it has a big parking lot. I think we will go with that. Meeting rooms are already booked!

Theme

 

As an “Anti-Davos” convention, you would expect the main subjects being covered would tend to be exactly the opposite of what is being pretentiously discussed over in Euroland, but the reality is that they have some interesting sessions even if we don’t like the participants. We may even steal some of their ideas, but just use different speakers. See if you can spot the plagiarism (it isn’t hard).

 

Anyway, the Davos theme is:

 

History at a Turning Point: Government Policies and Business Strategies

 

Our theme is much less ambitious, but no less pithy.

 

Anyone have any clue what’s going on?

 

Agenda – Day 1

 

Opening Remarks from the conference chair (that would be me) and a welcome from Calgary Mayor Jyoti Gondek. (I normally wouldn’t invite the mayor, but I’m secretly hoping to get a white hat)

 

Plenary Session – Rehashing all the stuff that is bothering us.

 

There is a lot going on in the world these days, so much that it can sometimes be beneficial if someone takes the time to remind us of all our grievances, sometimes even with a meme or a witty video. Join our headline duo for this pan-partisan session as they explore the many issues that plague us in these times of stress and set the stage for the rest of the conference.

 

• Max Fawcett, decidedly left-leaning columnist and twitter-sniper
• Pierre Poilievre, gadfly and presumptive first and only elected Prime Minsiter of Canada.

 

 

Central Banks. Is there a future for these institutions?

 

Central banks have been in the news a lot lately as society in general takes a look at how they managed markets and liquidity during the pandemic, preventing systemic collapse yet appeared to completely fumble the ball as free money started to drive inflation to unprecedented levels and inflated an asset bubble of unreal proportion. Now many politicians and pundits are calling for these sober setters of interest rates to be politicized, shut down or placed under the control of Bob from accounting. Whither the central banks?

 

• Alan Greenspan. No, not that one. This is the guy from Didsbury
• Betty M. Self-proclaimed Toronto Real Estate guru and owner of 20 properties. And 40 mortgages.
• Mark Carney. Former governor of the Banks of Canada and England. Environmentalist. Self-promoter easily tricked into accepting this invitation when I told him it was a fundraiser for his exploratory leadership bid.

 

The Politics of Politics

 

The purpose of this session is to explore politics writ large. Why are they so nasty and partisan? Does it have to be this way or can we all just get along. Does the traditional left/right divide mean anything anymore or is it just a giant shlamozzle of grievance and protest.

 

• Jason Kenney. Current/former/future Premier of Alberta (TBD depending on free time)
• Tucker Carlson. Man of the people. Fox News hyena.
• The Ghost of Jack Layton. To keep things to the left.
• Pierre Elliott Trudeau’s Hat. Invited the younger version, think this one will contribute more.

 

Making Money in Oil and Gas

 

I know, I know. An oxymoron, right? Not anymore! Join us for this rollicking take on the current ebullient state of the nation for energy companies, awash in so much cash they could afford to pay for not one, not two, not three but ten new hockey arenas for the Calgary Flames and the City of Calgary. While not fully reflected in their stock prices, the opportunity to make some money in the energy sector now is enormous.

 

• Murray Edwards. Chairman, CNRL (if we can trick him into coming)
• Mark. Murray Edwards’ biggest fan
• A Selection of anonymous accounts from #EFT. (energy finance twitter)

 

 

Luncheon Keynote – Volodymyr Zelenskyy. President. Ukraine. Folk Hero.

 

What convention or meeting of global anti-elites would be complete without an appearance by the President of Ukraine and number one guy on Vlad “the impaler” Putin’s hit list. Mr Zelenskyy will provide an update on the war in Ukraine and likely issue a formal request that we do more to support his troops. Note that in order to secure his participation, I had to tell him he was addressing Canadian parliament again, so we will likely have to find an attendee to impersonate Trudeau.

 

Pipelines – remember those things?

 

Lost in the shuffle and noise of inflation and war and food prices and energy prices and COVID and pandemics and interest rate increases and asset bubbles, Canada is quietly moving forward with two massive energy transportation and export projects. The TransMountain Expansion and Coastal Gas Link. Each project will allow for massive exports of Canadian energy at a time when everyone hates it. One is even being built by the federal government!

 

• David Suzuki’s neighbour. Like really. He called and wanted to present. So he’s the moderator.
• Bob the Welder. He works on TMX spread 3, so he knows what’s what, how much more this thing is going to cost and why Trudeau must resign.
• Brandon the environmentalist tree camper. Originally from Oakville, he’s been protesting these projects since that hot girl he met at a downtown Vancouver Starbucks put him up to it. He has two years of study as a history major and once did mushrooms in the woods, so he knows what’s what, how much more this thing is going to cost and why Trudeau must resign.

 

Sport as a Unifying Force

 

The FIFA World Cup takes place later this year against a challenging global backdrop. What

can football, and sport more generally, do to deepen its role as a unifying force?

 

• Austan Matthews. Golfer and part-time hockey player. What could actually be more unifying than laughing the Leafs out of the playoffs yet again.
• Tom Brady. Football player. Crypto enthusiast. Serial Champion
• Ted Lasso. Coach. He’s a real person right? He still hasn’t answered my email

 

 

Cryptocurrency. What’s Next?

 

In the last few months crypto has gotten a bad rap as values have plummeted, fortunes vapourized and celebrity shills like Matt Damon and LeBron James have run for the proverbial hills lest their fans decided to track them down and take revenge. From Dogecoin to stoogecoin to monkey NFT’s, the crypto world is fast changing and opportunities abound.

 

Agenda – Day Two

 

Plenary Session and Keynote Speaker – Justin

 

Joke’s on you. We know you were all hoping this was going to be Justin Trudeau so you could yell and scream at him and generally make his life uncomfortable. Well, we asked him and he said. Then we called Justin Verlander, but I guess the MLB regular season is on. We tried to get in touch with Justin Flation, but apparently he isn’t actually a real person, just a transitory obsession of Pierre Poilievre’s. Next call was to Justin Bieber, but he was in Switzerland. Finally had to settle on Justin Timberlake since as it turns out, he was the only Justin not invited to Davos as a contributor. Not sure what exactly he will talk about, but our backup is to just play some music. Justin Case.

 

Energy Outlook: Overcoming the Crisis

 

The global energy landscape and markets are being radically reshaped as governments and

businesses respond to the crisis and reduce dependence on Russian energy. To halt the energy

crisis and provide greater energy security and sustainability, what priority issues require action

by governments and companies? This is a livestreamed session.

 

• Vlad (the impaler) Putin. Ostracized Dictator. Causer of problems.
• Mohammed Bin Salman. Also a dictator. Supply withholder. Acronym user.
• Jenny Fielding. Consumer. Angry soccer mom.
• Otto Von Biefenschmidt. EU associate under minister for ludicrously bad energy policy decisions.
• Stan. Drill pipe salesman. Odessa Texas.

 

Ponzis Made Simple

 

From complex investment schemes to crypto-driven grifts to simple multi-level marketing of beauty products on Facebook marketplace, Ponzi schemes are a way of life for many in the easily duped, wanna get rich quick, jaded and overly moneyed Western World. This lively session will explore the origins of the Ponzi and provide hands on tips on how to set up your own Ponzi and hopefully not get caught.

 

• Charles Ponzi the 4^th. Great great grandson of the original, chuck, as he is known, will share stories and tips that have been handed down for literal generations. Do not give him money.
• Roxanne Titlebaum. Number one distributor of melaleuca products in all of North America and MLM machine. Do not give her money.
• Edward McFee, MBA. Generic oil and gas CEO, accountant and lawyer. He will provide you tips on how to create your very own oil and gas income trust which was, at one point, the single greatest and only legalized Ponzi scheme in the world. Right here in Canada! Do not give him money.

 

Windfall Taxes, Uses and Effects.

 

With energy prices going through the roof and banking profits soaring and seeing an uneasy electorate that can’t afford to buy even a liter of milk, governments who had previously abdicated all responsibility for runaway inflation are latching onto the “windfall tax” on “excess profits” as a populist way to help the little guy and stick it to the big bad corporation. Never mind that windfall taxes almost always have the exact opposite effect as desired, it is important to explore who exactly decides what is an excess profit, how it is set, where it comes from, how it should get distributed. Informed by the session just before it on Ponzi schemes, this should be a barnburner.

 

• Jagmeet Singh. Liberal party mega-supporter. Occasional NDP leader. Windfall tax proponent.
• Tim Cook. Apple CEO. Leader of a mega profitable company seeking to fly under the radar while energy companies get targeted.
• Office worker. Commuter. Doesn’t care about windfall taxes, just wants a break on a fillup at his local Esso.
• Any economist who will show up. Generic – come tell us why this is dumb, dumb, dumb. Won’t solve any price and supply crisis and will only make the problems worse down the road.

 

Unlocking Carbon Markets

 

With oil prices rising, transitioning to a net-zero economy becomes an economic and ecological

imperative. Carbon markets can funnel finance into clean technology and nature-based

solutions at scale. What is needed today for carbon financing to accelerate the transition to a

net-zero, nature-positive economy?

 

• Adam and Rebekah Neumann. Wework grifters. Ponzi scheme afficionados. Extractors of capital from gullible VCs. Stains on society. We tried to get them for the Ponzi session, but this is all they would talk to. Do not give them money.

 

Conference Windup and Q&A

 

The intent here is to serve a lot of cocktails and allow the delegates to mingle with all the speakers and ask whatever questions have arisen from a very compelling couple of days of sessions. I’m sure we could have done more but I know many delegates will need to get back to their humdrum real lives of earning money without having to grift for it and likely will be travelling in their own vehicles or flying commercial.

 

Let the elites have their fun in Switzerland and decide our fate over plate of Älplermagronen and chilled glass of Caves du Paradis Avalanche Valais Fendant 2019. We have beer, hockey and Keg-sized prime rib coming being delivered by Skip. We are Anti Davos and thus we are all good.

 

As a final warning. Do not give the speakers any money.